JC's Top Five
1) So John Cusack will turn up at my house with a boombox raised over his head and profess his eternal love for me; 2) 'Cause I have opinions too, you know; 3) 'Cause I have to do something besides go to work and hang out at the Rhino; 4) So I can show the world how freaking clever I am; 5) Everybody else is doing it.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Top 5 Urban Etiquette Tips
Stolen from an Eye Weekly editorial called 'The Rules' (July 13, 2006)
1) There is one reason to spit in the street: you have realized there is poison in your mouth. Even then, find a garbage can or sewer grate.
2) Proper negative answer to a panhandler: "Sorry." Proper panhandler response: "Have a nice day." (Improper response for either party: "Fuck! You! Bitch!")
3) There is never a good reason to walk four abreast on the sidewalk. Unlink your arms so we can all get where we're going faster.
4) In restaurants and bars with table service, 15 per cent after tax is the standard minimum tip for acceptable service. Don't think it's fair that you have to tip on tax? You're right, it isn't. But you do. Know what else isn't fair? That the livelihood of your server depends on the whims of cheapskates like you.
5) Do not, unless you really have no choice, move your bowels in a stall directly next to one that is already occupied. And please, ladies, stop hovering over the seat and pissing all over it. Your average toilet seat is cleaner than a public telephone.